


Bloody Pavement

by MosImagination



Series: Sherlock One Shots [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Feels, Cutting, Depression, Feels, Great Depression, Heavy Angst, John Commits Suicide, Johnlock Angst, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Scars, Sherlock Commits Suicide, Sherlock Holmes and Drug Use, Sherlock Holmes and Feelings, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-15
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-30 16:44:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3944104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MosImagination/pseuds/MosImagination
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock Holmes has been depressed since he turned sixteen, after dealing with it for so long he decides he can no longer handle it, john tries his hardest to keep Sherlock alive. But he looses him, heart breaking to pieces. </p><p>This is a one shot! Full of pure angst!<br/>{WARNING} a lot of heavy stuff! you've been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bloody Pavement

**Author's Note:**

> I just really needed to write this. I'm sorry guys.

All I remember when I was free falling was the beautiful touch of my lover John Watson. How he had accepted me for my faults, my freakish mind and actions. He had loved me hadn't he? Maybe he would no longer love me after I gave myself into the black pit of despair that had been calling out to me all my life. And I had done it, jumping from the roof of st. Bart's to my painless death against the ground below. He would never forgive me.

But he had known all this time it would lead to this. My finale show for the world before I was gone. Only a distant memory and a splatter against the cool hard ground. That was my tale I guess. A freak that couldn't handle himself any longer. 

It was a year ago when John Watson noticed the damage on my own body. Starving myself, the drugs, and the deep cuts through my pale wrists. He had cried, begging that I no longer destroy myself, I had told him I couldn't promise it. He had given me everything, kissing my pale lips with love. He was the first, the first to want me. To kiss me. To need me.

He brought me new life. 

But I had continued, slicing through the thin skin of my scarred wrists, no longer shedding a tear, only leaning back to favor the deep pain. I was fine if I could feel the pain, I was fine if I could have john. But was I really? 

I remember when John tried to propose to me, saying he wanted to be with me forever. I had locked myself in the bathroom, crying and saying I couldn't marry him. That I'd cause him such unhappiness. He had begged for me to come back to him. Soon I unlocked the door and he came inside, scooping me up and cradling my weak body, peppering any exposed skin with kisses. He had even kissed my deep scars, telling me I was beautiful. I was beautiful to him.

Perhaps I should marry him. 

A month after that I had told him a calm, "yes." He had frozen, "yes to what Sherlock?" I had smiled, "to marry you.." I whispered weakly. He had cried harder that day, tears of pure joy. He had held me again, saying how thankful he was. 

But we'd never make it before I lost it again. 

I had broken, snapped, a avalanche of sheer destruction, taking out any happiness. John had begged me to stop as I upped my dose of drugs, smoked, and sliced deeper. I had said, "I can't stop" and I continued. John had slipped into his own hole, watching me destroy myself every hour of the day. 

I broke my sweet lover, my fiancé, my blogger.  
My savior. 

That's what lead to this, need to jump. I had called him, "Sherlock?!?" He had screamed into the phone, "John.." I had whispered. I could see him jumping from his cab, "don't!! You can't jump and leave me! Sherlock you're my life!" He cried. He was running to the hospital. "John, I love you but I can't hold on.." John stopped, "Sherlock..I want to marry you... Help you.." He whispered into the phone. I smiled, "oh john...I love you.." I cried openly. "Sherlock..you're my angel.." John whispered. "Meet me in heaven. John.." I repeated my thoughts before dropping my phone and then stepping off.

That's how I got Here. I was falling and then...I wasn't.

I couldn't feel anymore, but I could still see, but I was fading fast. John ran to me, screaming and crying. He sat besides me, cradling my head, he screamed and begged. My iron blood covered him. He looked into my eyes, "I do.." I whispered to him with my final breath before I let go forever. John had cradled my limp body till the people took me from him, I wish he wouldn't have been hurt but he had been.

Now he's coming to join me. I'm eager to see him, it doesn't hurt anymore. 

I watched john, he couldn't see me though, he pressed the barrel of the gun into his mouth, whispering he loved me before he did it. Pulling the trigger and shooting the bullet through his skull and brain, killing him and taking him to me. 

We saw each other, I was clean and beautiful for real now. But I had always even for him. I no longer had scars, I wasn't as pale, and I smiled for real. John was the man I loved, a bright smile with crinkles by his eyes. He kissed me, "I do Sherlock.." He whispered.


End file.
